The Slipper Doesn't Fit; Drake's Amazing Cinderella Run Of Zero Games Comes To An End

Beware the Somethings Of March

This past weekend, we were treated to one of sports' annual traditions, the always-classic Duke-UNC hoops regular season-ending game. As someone who has the 1993 NCAA Championship on VHS (suck it Chris Webber!), needless to say i was happy with the result.

Danny Green makes like Earl Grey.

But what makes me even happier is the chain of events that are set in motion by this game.
Obviously, this game is an a pre-appetizer snack to the delicious hors d'oeuvre that is Championship week. As I write this, Florida State and UNC are battling it out on the hardwood. By Sunday night we'll know who's going to the Big Dance, or to continue the food metaphors that Fire Joe Morgan would have a field day with, the Big Turkey Dinner. My Cinderella team this year? Drake. Not just because Kyle Korver's little brother Klayton plays for them, but, well, OK, that is the only reason. But now I can post this great picture of former Tar Heel and 2005 National Champion Rashad McCants punking Kyle Aston Kutcher Korver.

Fine! JJ Redick is not a better poet than you!

Of course, this is also the time of year when NBA players start trying really hard also. There's been a lot of talk that this season is the best in the Lig since 2002 (I would say 2000 was the last interesting year minus the Big Shot Roberto moment, suck it again Chris Webber!) and it's not hard to see why. The Celtics have made the East relevant again, Kobe and Lebron are battling it out for MVP (jumper factory vs. triple double machine) and the Heat are mistakenly tanking the season to fix their team with the draft (Michael Beasley can play center, right, you guys? Huh, guys? Hey, where's everyone going?). But perhaps the best story belongs to the red-hot Rockets. Written off by most after the Very Good Wall Of China crumbled (again), they have reeled off 20 straight wins and are rising to the top of the Western Conference like, well, I'm searching for the word here, what is it when you fly really high, like, astronomically, with the jet engines and the sound barrier and the EXPLOSIONS! that make you scared, I guess that would be, like, like a rocket, i guess. ANYway, check out this hilarious video of the Rockets impersonating their "new" center, Dikembe Mutombo.



So we got the NCAA tournament, coinciding with the beginning of baseball season and the stretch of the NBA season. Almost makes you forget that we have to wait a month for the conclusion of this season of LOST, damn writers and their need to get "paid" "money." My current favorite theory? I created it. See, "Kevin Johnson," the freighter mole we all assume is Michael, is really Walt. OK, check it out. There is something screwy about the way time acts as you come to and from the island, as evidenced by Faraday's experiment.


When Michael and Walt left the island, they were instructed to take a specific bearing to get home, much like the instructions Faraday gave Lapidus in order to return to the freighter. So it's safe to assume that not going at the correct bearing will make something bad/screwy happen, like some sort of time anomaly. So Mike and Wally, landlubbers that they are, go through at the wrong bearing, and when they come out at the other side, Michael is extremely old, or possibly dead, and Walt has aged dramatically. He gets to the mainland, is contacted by a Linus lackey and gets a job on Captain Gault's freighter. The Kevin Johnson we met in "Ji Yeon"...

...is actually a grown up version of Walt.



(Note: I tried to make this theory include an explanation for Taller Ghost Walt, but I couldn't figure it out so that was the smoke monster.)