Exciting home opener for the Boston Red Sox today. The Mariners were in town after a four-day layoff thanks to the existence of Cleveland, Ohio. Fenway's Opening Day festivities, never afraid to jerk some tears, were tinged with hilarity. Theo Epstein has made some questionable moves recently, but no one was disappointed with his selection of Robert Goulet to perform. Goulet crooned his way through "The Impossible Dream," which is apparently a song, as members of the 1967 Red Sox tottered out. This prompted Don Orsillo to claim Goulet bore a strong resemblance to Jerry Remy.
Seattle kicked the ball around like Freddy Adu, and they also started Jeff Weaver. What is this guy's status? He looks like a meth head. Seriously, this guy looks like he parties with Jodie Sweetin every weekend. You don't see a lot of guys that look like this, mostly because COPS blurs out their faces.
Anyway, Weaver got rocked for seven hits and seven runs through two innings, and the Sox win handily. For those who kept watching after the Sox' offensive explosion, they were treated to a mini-explosion from Jose Guillen. After reliever (and former Angels teammate) Brendan Donnelly struck him out on three pitches, Guillen started barking at Donnelly. Not literally, like a dog, or even DMX-style, but just, you know, jawing. Tempers flared, the benches cleared, and Daisuke Matsuzaka evaded Jay Buhner's attempt to tackle him by pushing his shiny bald head to the side, causing Buhner to tumble in a comical fashion. Well, that's what I wish had happened. In reality, nothing happened. The benches cleared and milled around, Guillen got ejected, and it was back to the game. Until the next pitch, when Donnelly drilled Kenji Johjima. and got tossed.
(Sidebar: What must it be like for Hideki Okajima and Kenji Johjima? Talk about a couple of
As i'm sure you've heard by now, Guillen and Donnelly have some history. It appears that after Guillen's trade from the Angels to the Nationals, he narced out Donnelly for having pine tar on his glove. Guillen is, of course, a graduate of the Milton Bradley School Of Anger Management, and is not afraid to show his class; he once called former manager Mike Scoscia a "piece of garbage." (As far as I know, he still calls him that.)
Josh Beckett was nasty, striking out Ichiro three times. Looks like he might have a serious ace-type season. Drew hit a homer on a change-up high, destroying it into dead center. Powerful.
Tomorrow is Dice-K versus Ichiro, so stay tuned. I promise a beautiful Matsuzaka Photoshop.
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